Friday, February 24, 2012

Friday, February 10, 2012

Incompetent with a capital I

SO if you have been following me than you will remember my H&R block rant from last year. (they screwed up my tax return and i have been making payments on the $2000 mistake). Anyways so today i called to make a payment on my balance, something i have done many times and guess what this years staff is even more incompetent than last years. I had to call five different offices in order to get a hold of someone who could comprehend what i was saying. The first office told me to call back this afternoon since the only person in the office that could access the computer was at a doctors appointment. The second office told me i needed to come in to make a payment, when i told her that i have been making payments over the phone all year she said that i needed to come in to verify my identity. Ya like someone has stolen my identity and the first thing they do is try to correct my debt with you. The third office the girl answering the phone didn't speak English. Really your career is to answer phones and you can't speak English? She repeatedly tried to make me an appointment and then just hung up on me. The fourth office I shit you not the girl answered the phone said she didn't know how to do it so she would have someone phone me back, Great. Except she hung up without taking my name or number. The fifth office couldn't help me either but transferred me to another office and finally after 40 minutes i was able to make a payment. wow thanks again H&R block and now i have spent another 15 minutes writing hate mail to customer service which will never ever be looked at anyways. God I HATE YOU H&R BLOCK. I always imagined Hell as this hot place with stalagmites that smells like burning tires but i think i am wrong, I now imagine a cheaply decorated office with grey temporary wall dividers and a giant neon green logo and a host of idiots holding calculators with no idea how to use them.

Friday, February 3, 2012

random thoughts

"there is a bright light all up in my shit" is probably the last words Matt will utter before he dies
if tofu was good they wouldn't be continuously trying to make it taste like other foods
I always forget to wish my twin brother a happy birthday, i know a little self centered
when i got home tonight i found a piece of broccoli in my bed seriously i really did has stolen years from me already
is it considered hot yoga if i fall asleep in a tent in the summer during the day?
i don't understand when engagement photos became popular. is it to commemorate the years you were happiest you know like before you were married?
I tried to do sudoku at work during a lunch break but didn't have time to finish so i just filled in random numbers to make Bo think i was really smart
my sisters car smells like an old lady's wig
I know where i can get a top hat but where do i get a monocle?
that's enough Nickleback
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I don't care what it is i am doing i would still rather be looking at cute internet cat videos

Monday, January 23, 2012

Saturday, December 17, 2011

christmas time again

Dear Santa
Because i have been so good this year, well i had good intentions, well most of the time. Okay so i haven't been very good at all but according to our 1984 agreement i have not eavesdropped on my sisters phone calls or kidnapped any of my brothers Lego men and preformed voodoo on them i feel like i have more that held up my end of the bargain thus far, so here is my wish list this year:
Please bring my friend poncho something other to wear than a poncho, i don't know if i have mentioned it before but his hideous excuse for a coat evokes a kind of disgust and rage inside of me. I can't help it Santa so i would like you to replace it not for his sake but for me so i can move on with my life.
I know that it is a tall order for me to wish for world peace since civil unrest tends to drive the global economy, i wouldn't dare ask for such a selfish wish so instead of world peace i would simple ask for Reeces Peices to become calorie free.
And in the spirit of selflessness my last wish this year is for you Santa. I wish that you didn't have to hang out at dirty malls and that you didn't smell like a combination of urine and stale cigarettes. I wish that you could kick the obvious heroin addiction that drives someone to commit to doing your job year after year. I wish that one day you could have a normal network of normal people instead of being surrounded by weird magical troll people with shifty eyes and long curly toe nails.
Love Tracy

Monday, October 10, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

Last year i made a list of the ten things i was thankful for, all of which still apply. This year in the spirit of the season i thought that i would make a list of ten things that i am not thankful for. I know it sounds a little blasphemist this being the patron holiday of sacrificing turkeys and native Americans, but i just can't help to shake it up a bit.
10. People who complain about their kids on facebook. no one cares how tired you are.
9. People who never take off their blue tooth ear things. you look like a dollar store cyborg
8. Raking leaves. I don't know where everyone gets this romantic idea that raking leaves is such a great fall activity, IT SUCKS, sweaty dirty never ending work
7. I don't appreciate the fact that Walmart has double even tripled the amount of crap they carry without expanding the actual size of the store. Its like walking through the economy class of a Bangladesh train in there.
6. I am not thankful for the size of the stool sample tubes they make. Who ever thought of trying to have people poop into a test tube?
5. Birds are rude
4. will they ever make underpants that don't slip off my bum when i am on the treadmill?
3. I hate people who try to tell me where to put their IV when they come to the hospital. Here's an idea since you don't know what you are talking about how about I decide
2. When did getting engagement photos become popular? and what are they for?
1. I hate that i don't have a cool accent. I think that it would vastly improve my likeability. Unfortunately i can't start having one now cause that is even more annoying than not having an accent in the first place!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

random thoughts

it is not smart to lie down in a dog park
i love when old people tell complete strangers intimate details of their life and health in a footlocker
dad quit saying castup
I saw a guy at work who's shins broken and went through his heals and i thought that it looked like a pair of lady gaga's weird high heals
I hate when people use facebook to complain about their kids you're suppose to keep all your feelings pent up on the inside only to someday explode inside a dollarama
vegetables are ruining my life
Its Jim Henson's 75th birthday today but he's dead so i guess it really isn't
my cousin Sammy joined the navy. i guess that is how desperate some people are to get out of Portage that they sign up to be shot at or eaten by sharks
I waited in line at Walmart so long yesterday that my botox wore off before i got out of there
The Bloggess is the funniest person ever, read her blog so funny, but then don't expect my blog to live up to her standards cause i have a full time job and she has a giant metal rooster.