Because i have been so good this year, well i had good intentions, well most of the time. Okay so i haven't been very good at all but according to our 1984 agreement i have not eavesdropped on my sisters phone calls or kidnapped any of my brothers Lego men and preformed voodoo on them i feel like i have more that held up my end of the bargain thus far, so here is my wish list this year:
Please bring my friend poncho something other to wear than a poncho, i don't know if i have mentioned it before but his hideous excuse for a coat evokes a kind of disgust and rage inside of me. I can't help it Santa so i would like you to replace it not for his sake but for me so i can move on with my life.
I know that it is a tall order for me to wish for world peace since civil unrest tends to drive the global economy, i wouldn't dare ask for such a selfish wish so instead of world peace i would simple ask for Reeces Peices to become calorie free.
And in the spirit of selflessness my last wish this year is for you Santa. I wish that you didn't have to hang out at dirty malls and that you didn't smell like a combination of urine and stale cigarettes. I wish that you could kick the obvious heroin addiction that drives someone to commit to doing your job year after year. I wish that one day you could have a normal network of normal people instead of being surrounded by weird magical troll people with shifty eyes and long curly toe nails.