random thoughts

"there is a bright light all up in my shit" is probably the last words Matt will utter before he dies
if tofu was good they wouldn't be continuously trying to make it taste like other foods
I always forget to wish my twin brother a happy birthday, i know a little self centered
when i got home tonight i found a piece of broccoli in my bed seriously i really did
pintrest.com has stolen years from me already
is it considered hot yoga if i fall asleep in a tent in the summer during the day?
i don't understand when engagement photos became popular. is it to commemorate the years you were happiest you know like before you were married?
I tried to do sudoku at work during a lunch break but didn't have time to finish so i just filled in random numbers to make Bo think i was really smart
my sisters car smells like an old lady's wig
I know where i can get a top hat but where do i get a monocle?
that's enough Nickleback
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I don't care what it is i am doing i would still rather be looking at cute internet cat videos