Here it comes

SO as my 30th birthday approaches i began to realize what is so stressful for me about turning another year older. I can honestly say that i never thought i would live this long. I always just assumed that i would die young and leave a beautiful corpse that Matt would take to get taxidermied and i would spend the next 150 years haunting my friends and family. So i guess that i am not nervous about turning 30 but more so about dieing. Just in case I will set out explicit funeral instructions on my blog. Number one if there is some law against taxidermy i would like my body to be cremated and the carbon molecules isolated and compressed into diamonds. (its a real thing) then distributed to my family as creepy jewelery or made into a grill for my twin brother to wear. Second i would like little sandwiches with the crust cut off served at my funeral in fact throw a couple into the cremation furnace for me. My funeral should not be a celebration of my life instead a super sad incredibly depressing long drawn out service. Instead of a eulogy i would like someone to read out a list of people that i hate. I would hate to leave Matt a man widow so i give my blessing for him to move on with his life by getting a ridiculous hobby like model trains or tulip husbandry.